Dear Facebook, you are broken. You have frustrated me so much that you have made what is supposed to be a PLEASANT SOCIAL EXPERIENCE (ie people wishing me a happy birthday) into a nightmarish exercise in dysfunctional computer interfaces and annoyance that ELICITED AN ACTUAL PRIMAL SCREAM OF FRUSTRATION. Seriously. My throat hurts now. Facebook, if you were a thing, I would throw you across the room. (I was able to resist the temptation to throw the computer across the room)
On my timeline it tells me that 27 people have wished me a happy birthday. Then it shows me the five or six most recent wishes. Then it says there are “23 more” in a clickable link — which, when I click on that link, shows me only ONE name of somebody else who wrote on my timeline.
I started poking around to try to find out what the bleedin’ ‘ell was going on, and this BLEEPITY BLEEP popup inviting me to “Explore Graph Search” won’t get out of my everlovin’ way. No, Facebook, I do not want to explore graph search. But there is no “get the hell out of my way you stupid popup” button. There is only a “Take Tour” and “remind me later” button.
DO NOT REMIND ME LATER. DO NOT MAKE ME TAKE A TOUR. TELL ME WHY YOU ARE BROKEN AND HOW TO FIX YOU, STUPID STUPID FACEBOOK.
Anyway, the upshot is: I love you guys, and I hate Facebook. So if I fail to acknowledge your birthday greetings, it is because Facebook is broken, and now I’m all stressed out, and possibly the neighbors are calling the cops because they heard the scream and thinks somebody is being axe-murdered. And when the cops show up, I can say: no axe murder, just Facebook. And they will nod in understanding.
If you would like to talk to me on something less broken than Facebook, here are some other places that aren’t Facebook, which is broken.